For those of you who are spending this weekend conjuring ways to send less of your hard-earned to Uncle, here are a few bits you can enjoy: TAX QUOTES Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax. The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes. --W. Feather In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. --Benjamin Franklin Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for the benefit of rich people in poor countries. --Bernard Rosenberg Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. --F.J. Raymond You know it's a bad day when your income tax refund check bounces. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried -- but they wanted cash. --Anon. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? --Peg Bracken Any reasonable system of taxation would be based on the slogan of 'Soak the Rich'. --Heywood Broun The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --Will Rogers (Attrib.) Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. --Herman Wouk The income tax people are very nice. They're letting me keep my own mother. --Henny Youngman There is only one thing worse than the flu season; the tax season. You can recover from the flu. The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them. Bumper snicker: Save Our Trees. Stop Printing Tax Forms! All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm." Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year. But as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year. Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. - -Will Rogers Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. --Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love" I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat. --Sue Murphy I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. --Arthur Godfrey Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. --F. J. Raymond Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. --H. L. Mencken Q: Why do people pay taxes? A: To help out the government -- so they government doesn't have to pay for everything. Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax. Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government. There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes. Micro-Ap, a manufacturing company based in Londonderry, N.H., paid $18, 267.40 in taxes last year. In September, the firm received a bill from the Internal Revenue Service for 1 cent, plus a penalty of $194.72. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"? --Rob Knauerhase You've just told the guy next to you your life's history, how much you make, and how you've gotten out of paying income tax for years, and find out he's from the IRS. Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. Born Free...Taxed to Death The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said "If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference." Have you ever wondered if taxation without representation was cheaper? The only time the average child is as good as gold is April 15th.