>[Image] Science Jokes
>
>A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe
>watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the
>street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a
>while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
>The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
>The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced".
>The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be
>empty again."
>
>A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were all in a hotel sleeping when
>a fire broke out in their respective rooms.
>The physicist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC,
>and began working out all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple
>minutes, he threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his
>suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it on the fire,
>extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went back to sleep.
>The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the
>faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire,
>and went back to sleep.
>The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, began working
>through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses , you -name-it, and after a few minutes,
>put down his pencil triumphantly and exclaimed, "I have proven that I can put
>the fire out!" He then went back to sleep.
>
>The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want mustard with that?"
>
>A lecturer tells some students to learn the phone-book by heart.
>The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?'
>The physics-students ask: `Why?'
>The engineers sigh: `Do we have to?'
>The chemistry-students ask: `Till next Monday?'
>The accounting-students (scribbling): `Till tomorrow?'
>The laws-students answer: `We already have.'
>The medicine-students ask: `Should we start on the Yellow Pages?'
>
>A Physicist, an astronomer and a mathematician are walking one day through the
>Scottish Highlands, when they chance to see a black sheep.
>"Ah!" says the astronomer, "that shows that scottish sheep are black."
>"No, come on, you can't say that from a single observation," says the
>physicist, "all you can say is that black sheep are found in Scotland."
>"No," says the mathematician, "all you can say from this observation is that
>from the angle we are looking at it, at this point in time, this particular
>sheep, appears to be black."
>
>Three men with degrees in mathmatics, physics and biology are locked up in dark
>rooms for research reasons.
>A week later the researchers open the a door, the biologist steps out and
>reports: `Well, I sat around until I started to get bored, then I searched the
>room and found a tin which I smashed on the floor. There was food in it which I
>ate when I got hungry. That's it.'
>Then they free the man with the degree in physics and he says: `I walked along
>the walls to get an image of the room's geometry, then I searched it. There was
>a metal cylinder at five feet into the room and two feet left of the door. It
>felt like a tin and I threw it at the left wall at the right angle and velocity
>for it to crack open.'
>Finally, the researchers open the third door and hear a faint voice out of the
>darkness: `Let C be an open can.'
>
>How do you prove that all odd numbers are prime? Depends who you ask ...
>Logician:
>Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime
>Proof:
>1) If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true
>2) The proof exists; you're reading it now.
>>From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime
>Physicist:
>3 is a prime
>5 is a prime
>7 is a prime
>9 is not prime, experimental error
>Mathematician:
>3 is a prime
>5 is a prime
>7 is a prime
>by induction all the rest are prime
>Engineer:
>3 is a prime
>5 is a prime
>7 is a prime
>9 is a prime
>
>Organic chemistry is the study of carbon compounds,
>biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that wriggle.
>
>The engineer thinks of his equations as an approximation to reality.
>The physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations.
>The mathematician doesn't care!
>
>A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it.
>An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
>
>Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are travelling in
>a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops. The three atonished men try
>to solve the problem:
>- The physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque. It has
>been overloaded the elasticity limit of the main axis.
>- Engineer says : Let's be serious! The matter is that it has been burned the
>spark of the connecting rod to the dynamo of the radiator. I can easily repair
>it by hammering.
>- Computer scientist says : What if we get off the car, wait a minute, and then
>get in and try again?
>
>Two sodium atoms are walking down the road chatting. All of a sudden, one stops
>and turns to its friend looking worried:
>Na(1)- "Oh No... I think I've lost an Electron!"
>Na(2)- "What... are you sure?"
>Na(1)- "Yes, I'm Positive!"
>
>An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist went to the races one Saturday
>and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the
>engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the
>horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out
>how fast they could run..."
>The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations
>into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and
>bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."
>"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the
>argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse
>of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about
>horses. They both demanded to know his secret.
>"Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the horses
>were identical and spherical..."
>
>If it moves it is biology,
>if it stinks it is chemistry
>and if it does not work it is physics.
>
>Logic is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion... with
>confidence.
>Surely statistics is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion...
>with 95% confidence.
>Mathematics is the systematic misuse of a nomenclature developed for that
>specific purpose.
>
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>Added by pga@sys.uea.ac.uk - 5th February 1995
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