> 
>  -----Original Message-----
> 
> There are 3 kinds of people:  those who can count & those who can't
> 
> Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
> 
> Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
> 
> ....Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
> 
> For people who like peace and quiet:  a phoneless cord.
> 
> I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
> 
> The beatings will continue until morale improves.
> 
> I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
> 
> Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
> 
> Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
> 
> Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
> 
> There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
> 
> I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
> 
> Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
> 
> A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
> 
> I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
> 
> Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
> 
> If at first you do succeed, try to not look astonished!
> 
> Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a
> rock.
> 
> Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
> 
> If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
> 
> If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
> 
> If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
> 
> Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
> 
> It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
> 
> Help Wanted:  Telepath.  You know where to apply.
> 
> Budget:  A method for going broke methodically.
> 
> Car service:  If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
> 
> Shin:  A device for finding furniture in the dark.
> 
> Do witches run spell checkers?
> 
> Demons are the Ghouls best friend.
> 
> Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd.  All wights wesewved.
> 
> Department of Redundancy Department
> 
> Headline:  Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
> 
> Cannot find REALITY.SYS.  Universe halted.
> 
> COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
> 
> Buy a Pentium 586/150 so you can reboot faster.
> 
> 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
> 
> Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
> 
> Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
> 
> My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
> 
> C:\DOS           C:\DOS\RUN     RUN\DOS\RUN
> 
> C:\WINDOWS   C:\WINDOWS\GO    C:\PC\CRAWL
> 
> B-------------------------  The information went data way
>  -------------------a
> 
> Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
> 
> The definition of an upgrade:  Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
> 
> BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
> 
> The name is Baud......, James Baud
> 
> BUFFERS=20  FILES=15  2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
> 
> Access denied==nah nah nah nah nah!
> 
> C:\> Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.
> 
> Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename?"
> 
> As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
> 
> Southern DOS:  Y'all reckon?  (Yep/Nop)
> 
> ....File not found.  Should I fake it?  (Y/N)
> 
> Ethernet:  something used to catch the etherbunny.
> 
> A mainframe:  The largest PC peripheral available.
> 
> CONGRSS.SYS Corrupted:  Re-boot Washington D.C.  (Y/N)?
> 
> A computers attention span is as long as it's power cord.
> 
> 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
> 
> SENILE.COM found...Out of Memory
> 
> Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?
> 
> All computers wait at the same speed.
> 
> DEFINITION:  Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
> 
> Press <CTRL> <ALT> <DEL> to continue.
> 
> Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
> 
> Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
> 
> ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
> 
> Error:  Keyboard not attached.  Press F1 to continue...
> 
> Hidden DOS secret:  Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
> 
> Read my chips:  No new upgrades!
> 
> Hit any user to continue...
> 
> 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
> 
> If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be
> the process of putting them in.
> 
> Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
> 
> Programmer:  A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with
> inanimate objects.
> 
> Real Programmers don't document.  If it was that hard to write, it should
> be that hard to read.
>