>The Punitentiary > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >Bill went to the chiropractor, thinking that the chiropractor wouldn't >be able to treat his chronic back pain. After a few minutes, his back >felt like new. When the doctor asked, "How do you feel about >chiropractors now," Bill replied, "I stand corrected!" > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >California smog test: Can UCLA? > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >Patty saw all the different brands of light bulbs on aisle 9. She >stopped and thought, then decided to choose by process of illumination. > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >What excuse did Puff give for being late? "Sorry, my ass is dragon." > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >Once upon a time, in a far off land, existed the Tator kingdom. There was >King Tator, Queen Tator, and Princess Tator. Princess Tator would soon >come of age and needed to begin looking for a husband. Over time both >King and Queen Tator provided a number of potential suitors for their >daughter, but none pleased her. Then one day the Princess ran to her >parents and excitedly announced that she had at last found her future >husband. Well, King and Queen Tator were now also excited and asked >their daughter to tell them who she had chosen. Princess Tator replied >that she would be marrying Walter Cronkite. Her parents were aghast! >"We cannot allow you to marry Walter Cronkite?", they said, "After all, >you are a royal Tator and Walter Cronkite is only a commentator." > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >There were three moles burrowing underneath the interstate when they >decided to go up for a breath of fresh air. They popped up beside a busy >intersection where pappa mole, named Moliere said, "Hey, I think we're >near a Waffle House... I can smell waffles and syrup." Mamma Mole said, >"I think you're right dear... I can smell bacon frying." So she asked >the baby mole, "What do you think dear?" And he said, molified, "I don't >know mamma, from down here all I can smell is molasses." > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >A man named Ty Smith found himself laid off from work one day. After >going several months without work, he finally decided to lie about his >work experience, and managed to get a job as a cook at an old folks home. >Unfortunately, he was such a bad cook that he thought you had to flip >a pot of water over to get it to boil on both sides. > >The first day on the job, the manager told him to make baked brie for >lunch. Barely knowing what brie was, and not knowing how to bake it, he >took the wheel of brie cheese, put it in the oven, turned it on high, and >waited. What came out of the over was a crispy brown lump of melted >and burned cheese. > >When the manager saw this, he said to Ty "I thought you were a cook, what >in blazes happened?". Ty, almost in tears, confessed to being so scared >of being out of work that he lied to get the job. > >The manager then replied "Ty your yellow fibbin browned the old folks brie". > >------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Another call to round up the usual SUSPECTS. Feel free to forward but >do not remove this trailer. For subscription information, send email >to suspects-l-request@netcom.com with the word INFO in the Subject line. >SUSPECTS, a non-profit service, does not own rights to most material. >Original author/sender credited if known. Comments/submissions welcome.