From amyb@ses.com Mon Aug  5 12:56:49 1996
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 1996 09:23:43 -0600
From: Amy Bajorek <amyb@ses.com>
To: humor@ses.com
Cc: teresa@ses.com, jana@ses.com, claire@ses.com, denise@ses.com,
    chris@ses.com, karen@ses.com, robin@ses.com, kelley@ses.com
Subject: Stupid Men Jokes

>X-UIDL: 838389665.002
>Date: Thu, 25 Jul 1996 19:36:32 -0400
>From: JWard1135@aol.com
>To: wilsonjan@mail.utexas.edu, amyb@ses.com (amy), 0002120737@mcimail.com,
>AustinLegalCopies+aAdmin+aAkinAus%Akin_DC@mcimail.com (austinlegalcopies)
>Subject: Stupid Men Jokes
>
>
>
>
>     STUPID MEN JOKES
>     > ================
>     >
>     > What do you call a man with half a brain?
>     >         Gifted.
>     >
>     > What's the difference between government bonds and men?
>     >         Bonds Mature.
>     >
>     > What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
>     >         One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
>     >
>     > What did God say after creating man?
>     >         I can do better.
>     >
>     > Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
>     >
>     > Why do men want to marry virgins?
>     >         They can't stand criticism.
>     >
>     > I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or
>not?"
>     Shows.
>     > They had a man born with a penis and a brain.
>     >
>     > What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand?
>     >         A man's undivided attention.
>     >
>     > What are two reasons why men don't mind their own  business?
>     >         1. No mind.
>     >         2. No business.
>     >
>     > Why are men like laxatives?
>     >         They irritate the shit out of you.
>     >
>     > What do you call an intelligent man in America?
>     >         A tourist.
>     >
>     > Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
>     >         To keep them from grazing.
>     >
>     > If men got pregnant....abortion would be available in convenience
>stores and drive through windows.
>     >
>     > Why do men name their penises?
>     >         Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the
>person
>who makes all their decisions.
>     >
>     > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
>and good-looking?
>     >         Because they already have boyfriends.
>     >
>     > Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
>     >         He had it bronzed.
>     >
>     > Why do men like masturbation?
>     >         Its sex with someone they love.
>     >
>     > How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
>     >         Two ways to cross a river.
>     >
>     > What is gross stupidity?
>     >         144 men in one room.
>     >
>     > Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing
>     to put in it?
>     > Wife: : You wear briefs, don't you?
>     >
>     > What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
>     >         The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
>     >
>     > How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
>     >         Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and
>shake the stove.
>     >
>     > What is a man's view of safe sex?
>     >         A padded headboard.
>     >
>     > How do men sort their laundry?
>     >         "Fifthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
>     >
>     > Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
>     >
>     > Why did God create man?
>     >         Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
>     >
>     > Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
>     >         So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
>     >
>     > Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "how
>sad - a dead bird."  The other man looked up and said, "Where?"
>     >
>     > Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
>     >         To keep the swelling down.
>
>