From zink@ses.com Thu Aug 6 06:57:01 1998 Date: Wed, 5 Aug 1998 17:11:27 -0500 (CDT) From: Ken Zink To: Allen Moody , Angela Zink , Bruce Wellborn , Catherine Rearick , Chuck Williams , Dallas Webster , David Quinn , Doug Cooper , Jeff Zink , Joanne , John Burton , Karen Sem , Lori Glaze , Mark Willis , Mary Quinn , Milton Zapolski , Richard Birke , Sandra Zink , Sissy Talbot , Steve Ott , Szifra Birke , Terry Glaze , Tricia Brown , Yevette Cc: SES Humor -- Allan Clarke , Ida Jeppesen , James Stojanik , Joe Heiser , Nina Lauderdale , Patrick Ray , Rick Alan , Wayne Hausmann , Ken Zink Subject: Humor - Lessons for life > Life's Little Lesson Book > > 1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the > statue. > > 2. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the > first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. > > 3. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. > Tomorrow isn't looking good either. > > 4. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I > thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" > > 5. My Reality Check bounced. > > 6. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. > > 7. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. > > 8. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through > a suitable application of high explosives. > > 9. Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. > > 10. Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete > than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to > complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their > planning to reduce the time it takes. > > 11. God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 > days and then pulled an all-nighter. > > 12. I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving. > > 13. Stupidity got us into this mess-why can't it get us out? > > 14. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should > both be changed regularly and for the same reason. > > 15. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them > that Benjamin Franklin said it first. > > 16. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. > > 17. Indecision is the key to flexibility. > > 18. If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is. > > 19. I don't get even, I get odder. > > 20. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. > > 21. I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays. > > 22. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it. > > 23. Dijon vu-the same mustard as before. > > 24. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. > > 25. I am having an out of money experience. > > 26. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. > > 27. Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. > > 28. Practice safe eating-always use condiments. > > 29. A day without sunshine is like night. > > 30. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for > it. > > 31. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. > > 32. There's no need to fear falling - it's the sudden stop at the > bottom that warrants the fear. > > 33. Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you > live.