From nancy@ses.com Mon May 19 14:42:44 1997 Date: Mon, 19 May 1997 13:58:39 -0500 From: Nancy Shindler To: humor@ses.com, jeff_shindler@mail.utexas.edu, matthew@cdsnet.net, don reid Subject: darwin award winner > >just in case you were wondering who would finally win... > >Subject: DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED >> >> You probably all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor >> given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing >> themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. >> >> The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which >> toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda >> out of it. >> >> In 1996 the winner was an Air Force sergeant who attached a JATO unit >> (i.e. a gigantic bottle rocket) to his car and crashed into a cliff >> several hundred feet above the roadbed. >> >> And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles-- one of the >> few Darwin winners to survive his award winning accomplishment. >> >> Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, >> he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, >> poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he >> had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard. >> >> One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the >> local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and >> several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, >> would measure more than four feet across. >> >> Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn >> chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated >> the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was >> still only a few feet above the ground. >> >> Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six- >> pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-- figuring he could pop a >> few balloons when it was time to descend-- and went back to the >> floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and >> provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about >> 30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few >> hours come back down. >> >> Things didn't quite work out that way. >> >> When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't >> float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky >> as if shot from a cannon. >> >> He didn't level of at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After >> climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he >> couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and > >> really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting, cold and >> frightened, for more than 14 hours. >> >> Then he really got in trouble. He found himself drifting into the primary > >> approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. >> >> A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower and >> described passing a guy in a lawn chair, with a gun. Radar confirmed >> the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. >> >> LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was >> dispatched to investigate. >> >> LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling and the offshore >> breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the >> helicopter in hot pursuit. >> >> Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew >> determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for >> a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever >> they neared. >> >> Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet >> above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was >> hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed >> by the helicopter crew. >> >> As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting >> members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace. >> >> As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the >> daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, >> turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around." >> >> Let's hear it for Larry Walters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner. > > > > >