> I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
> argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
> steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great
> respect, they don't even invite me.  You too can win arguments.
>   
>   > >> Simply follow these rules:
>   > >>
>   > >>      * Drink Liquor.
>   > >>
>   > >> Suppose you're at a party and some hotshhot intellectual is
> expounding
>   > >> on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.  If
> you're
>   > >> drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice,
> you'll hang
>   > >> back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot
> enthralls
>   > >> your date.  But if you drink several large martinis, you'll
> discover
>   > >> you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy.  You'll be a
> WEALTH
>   > >> of information.  You'll argue forcefully, offering searing
> insights
>   > >> and possibly upsetting furniture.  People will be impressed.
> Some
>   > >> may leave the room.
>   > >>
>   > >>     * Make things up.
>   > >>
>   > >> Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to
> prove
>   > >> Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact
> that
>   > >> YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a
> bunch
>   > >> of Peruvians be better off.  DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are
>   > >> underpaid."  Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981
> dollars
>   > >> adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which
> is
>   > >> $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
>   > >>
>   > >>        NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
>   > >>
>   > >> If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make
> THAT
>   > >> up, too.  Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's
>   study > >> for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't
> you
>   read it?"
>   > >> Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You
> left
>   > >> your soiled underwear in my bath house."
>   > >>
>   > >>        * Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and
> phrases.
>   > >>
>   > >>       Memorize this list:
>   > >>                Let me put it this way
>   > >>                In terms of
>   > >>                Vis-a-vis
>   > >>                Per se
>   > >>                As it were
>   > >>                Qua
>   > >>                So to speak
>   > >>
>   > >> You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as
> "Q.E.D.,"
>   > >>"e.g.," and "i.e."  These are all short for "I speak Latin, and
> you do
>   > >> not."
>   > >>
>   > >> Here's how to use these words and phrases.  Suppose you want to
> say:
>   > >>
>   > >> "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they
> don't
>   > >> have enough money."
>   > >>
>   > >> You'll never win arguments talking like that.  But you WILL win
> if you
>   > >> say: "Let me put it this way.  In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis
>   > >> Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more
> often,
>   > >> so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it
> were.
>   > >> Q.E.D."
>   > >>
>   > >> Only a fool would challenge that statement.
>   > >>
>   > >>       * Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
>   > >>
>   > >> You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire
> back
>   > >> at your opponents when they make valid points.  The best are:
>   > >>
>   > >>        You're begging the question.
>   > >>        You're being defensive.
>   > >>        Don't compare apples and oranges.
>   > >>        What are your parameters?
>   > >>
>   > >> This last one is especially valuable.  Nobody, other than
>   > >> mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
>   > >>
>   > >> Here's how to use your comebacks:
>   > >>
>   > >>       You say                 As Abraham Lincoln said in
> 1873...
>   > >>       Your opponents says     Lincoln died in 1865.
>   > >>       You say                 You're begging the question.
>   > >>
>   > >>                             OR
>   > >>
>   > >>        You say                 Liberians, like most Asians...
>   > >>        Your opponents says     Liberia is in Africa.
>   > >>        You say                 You're being defensive.
>   > >>
>   > >>       * Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
>   > >>
>   > >> This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is
> obviously
>   > >> right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly.
> Say:
>   > >> "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might
> say" or
>   > >> "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
>   > >>
>   > >> So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody.  Do not
> try to
>   > >> pull any of this on people who carry weapons.
>   > >>
>