Received: from triumph.ses.com (triumph.ARPA) by ses.com (4.1/3.1.012693-SES - Scientific and Engineering Software); id AA27644 for clarke; Mon, 4 Apr 94 10:47:36 CDT Message-Id: <9404041547.AA27644@ses.com> Subject: Humor To: lclstaff, niall (Niall Cooling ), peter@ses.co.uk (Peter Colaluca), peterb (Peter Bennett ) Date: Mon, 4 Apr 1994 10:47:34 -0500 (CDT) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL13] Content-Type: text Content-Length: 1237 Status: R Bill Gates arrives at the "Pearly Gate" to face his fate. St Peter: Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision. Bill has a look around heaven. Lots's of sombre people singing hymns, praising the Lord (and probably writing Ada:-). He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women (and a lot of C and Basic :-). Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter. Gates: Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell. St Peter: No worries. You've got it. Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't work it out. Gates: Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks? St Peter: Sorry if you got confused, That was just the demo version. -- Ken Zink zink@ses.com Scientific and Engineering Software (512) 329-9758 4301 Westbank Drive, Bldg. A Austin, TX 78746-6564 Return-Path: Received: from sneezy.ses.com.ses.com by ses.com (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA03289; Fri, 22 Sep 95 18:40:22 CDT Received: by sneezy.ses.com.ses.com (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA26116; Fri, 22 Sep 95 18:40:22 CDT Date: Fri, 22 Sep 1995 18:40:21 -0500 (CDT) From: Ken Zink Subject: Warp'd humor To: humor@ses.com Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: R WARP'D HUMOR Bill Gates dies and heads up to the pearly gates. St. Peter meets him there and says, "Well, you've led an ... interesting life, Bill. To be perfectly honest, we're not quite sure which place to send you. So we're going to let you decide." Gates swallows nervously and says, "Okay." St. Peter snaps his fingers and they are instantly transported to a sunny beach. There's beer, rock and roll music and great-looking women playing volleyball. Gates asks, "Is this heaven? It's GREAT|" St. Peter says, "No, this is Hell. Let me show you what Heaven is like." He snaps his fingers again and they are instantly transported to a serene city park. There's a soft breeze and birds are chirping and people are quietly sitting on benches feeding the pigeons and playing chess. Gates says, "Well, this is ... nice. But, given a choice, I guess I'll take Hell." St. Peter says, "You got it," and snaps his fingers. Gates is instantly embedded in molten lava where he is in unspeakable agony. All around him he can hear demonic laughter and the screams of the damned. He looks up and shouts, "Hey, it wasn't like this| Where's the beach? Where are the babes?" St. Peter looks down from his OS/2 Warp system and says, "Sorry, Bill. That was the demo."