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Date: Thu, 27 Jul 95 07:56:25 CDT
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To: humor@ses.com
From: stojanik@ses.com (James Stojanik)
Subject: In The Elevator... (fwd)
Status: R

>Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 17:43:12 -0500 (CDT)
>From: Queen of Eden <mandi@eden.com>
>To: weird-humor@matrix.eden.com
>Subject: In The Elevator... (fwd)
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>
>
>Lotsa Forwards deleted....
>
>
>             50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
>
>1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
>2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex
>    to other passengers.
>3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:
>    "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
>4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
>5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
>6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of
>    the elevator.
>7. Shave.
>8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
>    ask: "Got enough air in there?"
>9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.  Wear
>    yours upside-down.
>10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
>     without getting off.
>11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the
>     doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
>12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol
>     coming!"
>13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
>     and ask them to call you Admiral.
>14. One word: Flatulence!
>15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it
>     stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the
>     shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
>16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
>17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
>     announce: "I've got new socks on!"
>18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:
>     "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
>19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
>20. Meow occasionally.
>21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
>22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
>23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
>24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
>25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
>26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
>27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one
>     of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
>28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
>29. Leave a box between the doors.
>30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for
>     them.
>31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through"
>    it.
>32. Start a sing-along.
>33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your
>     beeper?"
>34. Play the harmonica.
>35. Shadow box.
>36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
>37. Lean against the button panel.
>38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
>39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
>40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
>     other passengers that this is your "personal space."
>41. Bring a chair along.
>42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see
>     wha in muh mouf?"
>43. Blow spit bubbles.
>44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
>45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
>    body."
>46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
>47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
>48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
>49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
>50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
>
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