Date: Thu, 22 Dec 94 13:36:04 CST
From: ray (Ray Shea)
Message-Id: <9412221936.AA19474@ses.com>
To: lclstaff
Subject: Anthro AND computer geek humor...
Status: R


This just in from a friend at the Anthropology department at SUNY
Stony Brook.  Warning: may be offensive to those of us who think God
is a LISP hacker.

ray

-------

From: malewis@CCVM.sunysb.edu
Subject: Anthro AND computer geek humor...


check it out,  primatologists have become computer geeks
----------------------------Original message----------------------------

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 7 Jul 1994 09:13:17 -0700 (PDT)
>From: Samantha Heath <spamster@u.washington.edu>
To: primate-talk@primate.wisc.edu
Subject: Speaking of DNA...(Humor--delete if you have no sense thereof)
---------

  For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that
  very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.

  I have solved the mystery.

  The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is
  that the rest of it is comments.

  Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as
  follows:

  ===
  /* HUMAN_DNA.H
  *
  * Human Genome
  * Version 2.1
  *
  * (C) God
  */

  /* Revision history:
  *
  * 0000-00-01 00:00  1.0  Adam.
  * 0000-00-02 10:00  1.1  Eve.
  * 0000-00-03 02:11  1.2  Added penis code to male version. A bit messy --
  *                        will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.
  * 0017-03-12 03:14  1.3  Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from
  *                        elephant-dna.c
  * 0145-10-03 16:33  1.4  Removed tail.
  * 1115-00-31 17:20  1.5  Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.
  * 2091-08-20 13:56  1.6  Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.
  * 2501-04-09 14:04  1.7  Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made
  *                        darker to match my own image.
  * 2909-07-12 02:21  1.8  Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth.
  *                        Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.
  * 4501-12-31 14:18  1.9  Increase average height.
  * 5533-02-12 17:09  2.0  Added gay option, triggered by high population
  *                        density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem.
  * 6004-11-04 16:11  2.1  Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of
  *                        CD.
  */

  /* Standard definitions
  */

  #define SEX maleb
  #define HEIGHT 1.84
  #define MASS 68
  #define RACE caucasian

  /* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
  *
  * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
  * inheritance features.
  */

  #include "mother.h"
  #include "father.h"

  #ifndef FATHER
  #warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
  #include "bastard.h"
  #endif

  /* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
  */
  #include <sex.h>

  /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
  * library sometime soon.
  */
  struct genitals
  {
  #ifdef MALE
  Penis *jt;
  #endif

  #ifdef FEMALE
  /* G_spot *g;   Removed for debugging purposes */
  Vagina *p;
  #endif
  }

  /* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication.
  * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers
  */
  DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

  /* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
  *
  * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism
  * to display at birth.
  *
  * Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
  */
  Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
  ===

  .and so on.


  [ Note that God programs in C, uses three-space tabs and /* */ style
  comments ]