Date: Tue, 19 Dec 95 11:01:29 CST
Message-Id: <9512191701.AA18086@ses.com>
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To: humor
From: ida@ses.com (Ida J. Jeppesen)
Subject: [jeffw@pactitle.com: Some Computer Humor]
Status: R

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>Date: Tue, 19 Dec 1995 11:56:58 -0500
>From: lori@puuoo.gsfc.nasa.gov (Lori Glaze)
>To: zink@ses.com, ida@ses.com
>Subject: [jeffw@pactitle.com: Some Computer Humor]
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>>From george@uzon.jpl.nasa.gov Thu Dec 14 13:33 EST 1995
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>Date: Thu, 14 Dec 1995 10:37:42 -0800
>From: george@uzon.jpl.nasa.gov (George Karas)
>To: sonia@uzon.jpl.nasa.gov, elsa@uzon.jpl.nasa.gov, lori@uzon.jpl.nasa.gov,
>        bena@pixar.com, tak@uzon.jpl.nasa.gov
>Subject: [jeffw@pactitle.com: Some Computer Humor]
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>I especially like 'password'.
>
>-g
>
>----- Begin Included Message -----
>
>                    Improve Your Computer Vocabulary
>   ----------------------------------------------------------
>
>   Analog:    Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered
>              with crushed nuts
>   Backup:    Opposite of go forward
>   Batch Processing:
>              Making a lot of cookies at once
>   Binary:    Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes
>   Bit:       12 1/2 cents
>   Branch:    If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer
>              club)
>   Buffer:    Programmer who works in the nude
>   Bug:       1. Programmer's term for a feature
>              2. An elusive creature living in a program which makes
>              it incorrect.  Note: the activity of "debugging" or
>              removing bugs from a program ends when a programmer
>              gets tired of doing it, not when all the bugs are removed
>   Character density:
>              The number of very weird people in the office, divided
>              by the floor space
>   Computer:  A device designed to speed and automate errors
>   Computer Club:
>              Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error
>              messages
>   Coding:    An addictive drug
>   Compile:   A heap of decomposing vegetable matter
>   Compiler:  Noah Webster (1758-1843)
>   Console:   What one does to a "down" computer
>   Cursor:    An expert in 4-letter words
>   Dump:      A system programmer's work area
>   Feature:   Hardware limitation as described by a marketing
>              representative
>   Hardware:  The parts of a computer which can be kicked
>   Keyboard:  An instrument used for entering errors into a system
>   Language:  A system of organizing and defining error messages
>   Loop:      See loop
>   Machine-independent Program:
>              A program which will not run on any machine
>   Microcomputer:
>              One millionth of a computer
>   Null String:
>              The result of a 4-hour database search
>   On-line:   The idea that a human should always be accessible
>   Password:  The nonsense word taped to your terminal
>   Performance:
>              A statement of the speed at which a computer system
>              works.  Or rather, might work under certain
>              circumstances.  Or was rumored to be working about a
>              month ago
>   Printer:   Johann Gutenberg (1400-1468)
>   Quality Control:
>              Ensuring that the quality of a product does not get out
>              of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design
>   Strategy:  A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until
>              sometime after those creating it have left the organization
>   User:      Someone requiring drug rehabilitation
>   8-bit machine:
>              A computer selling for $1.00 (see bit)
>   16-bit machine:
>              A computer selling for $2.00 (see bit)
>
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Ida J. Jeppesen               (512) 329-9770  ida@ses.com
Consultant
Scientific and Engineering Software, Inc.
4301 Westbank Drive Bldg. A
Austin, TX   78746-6564