From nicholas@ses.com Mon Jun 3 12:39:38 1996 Date: Mon, 3 Jun 1996 08:51:52 -0500 From: Karen Nicholas To: humor@ses.com Subject: Humor? (fwd) >From: nicholas@austin.ibm.com (Mike Nicholas) >Subject: Humor? (fwd) >To: nicholas@ses.com (karen nicholas) >Date: Fri, 10 May 1996 06:23:32 -0500 (CDT) >Reply-To: nicholas@austin.ibm.com >Reply-To: nicholas@austin.ibm.com >Mime-Version: 1.0 > >Thought you might enjoy this... > > >Forwarded message: >> From root Thu May 9 09:22:18 1996 >> From: mhs@zycor.lgc.com >> Message-Id: <9605091420.AA08455@galaxy.zycor.lgc.com> >> Subject: Humor? >> To: dog-n-duck@zycor.lgc.com >> Date: Thu, 9 May 1996 09:20:04 -0500 (CDT) >> X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] >> Mime-Version: 1.0 >> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII >> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit >> Content-Length: 4808 >> >> >> Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. >> >> >> There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. >> >> I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. >> >> Budget: A method for going broke methodically. >> >> Do witches run spell checkers? >> >> Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. >> >> COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key >> >> Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. >> >> 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. >> >> Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. >> >> Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. >> >> My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. >> >> C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL >> >> C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN >> >> <-------- The information went data way -------- >> >> Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression >> >> The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. >> >> BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding >> >> The name is Baud......, James Baud. >> >> BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! >> >> Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! >> >> C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. >> >> Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. >> >> Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" >> >> As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. >> >> Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. >> >> E Pluribus Modem >> >> ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) >> >> Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny >> >> A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. >> >> An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. >> >> CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? >> >> Does fuzzy logic tickle? >> >> A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. >> >> 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. >> >> 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? >> >> Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. >> >> Windows: Just another pane in the glass. >> >> SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . >> >> Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? >> >> Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. >> >> RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. >> >> Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... >> >> All computers wait at the same speed. >> >> DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. >> >> Press > >> Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... >> >> Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... >> >> ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! >> >> E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. >> >> Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! >> >> All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? >> >> Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. >> >> "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 >> >> DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS >> >> Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS >> >> Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! >> >> Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... >> >> Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. >> >> REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) >> >> Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_C" >> >> Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) >> >> Read my chips: No new upgrades! >> >> Hit any user to continue. >> >> 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!! >> >> I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! >> >> Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? >> >> Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. >> >> Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup >> >> Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic >> >> (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? >> >> (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? >> >> If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be >> the process of putting them in. >> >> Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. >> >> Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with >> inanimate objects. >> >> Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be >> hard to understand." >> >> Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. >> >> Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS! >> >> >> > > >-- > Michael Nicholas IBM AIX Graphics Product Verification Test > PSW Technologies > nicholas@austin.ibm.com > Karen Nicholas, Sales Coordinator Customer Support and Sales Support SES, Inc. 4301 Westbank Rd. Austin, TX 78746 (512) 328-5544 X224 (nicholas @ses.com)